James and Pilates

James and I are yet again embarking on a new journey.  He is now attending College full time for the “ministry”. “Ministry” is in quotes because we believe that every person who claims faith in Jesus Christ is automatically enrolled in full time ministry.  Anyhow, here we are in our still-newlywed-ed state of bliss; and he has resigned from his job to attend college.  This has been our one week of preparation before classes begin.  I thought it would be wisest to jump right in with our new routine as soon as we brought the kids to school.

I had this beautifully romantic notion about us on our little matching mats doing synchronized Pilates as the unity of our souls permeated the Living Room.

Reality is never like the movies….unless you are into dark humor comedies 😉

We were barely begun when we realized that I had to swing my arms over my head while towards the front while he swung his towards the back so that we could avoid (another) collision.

We giggled, and as the instructor on the DVD calmly intoned, “Cross your feet at the ankles, as you gently and gracefully float to the floor.”

“Hummmph!  That’s never going to happen!  I have no grace at all when I sit down! How about ‘clumsily fall over and try not to break anything?'”

I couldn’t help but laugh at James and his sarcastic comment!

I kept hearing the oddest noises emerge from his general direction, so finally I asked him if his stomach was upset.

“No, I took my shirt off but now my back keeps sticking to the mat.  Sorry for the noises…”  We giggled again.

Next we were told to do an exercise that involved straightening out our legs one at a time in the air.

I heard James mutter, “Not this guy!  These legs weren’t designed to go straight like that…I’ll stay a sarcastic inflexible man, thank you very much!’

By the end of the session, my stomach felt ripped…from all the laughter at the sarcasm king and his one liners.

I decided that in the future, comedy Pilates would ensue whenever done with James; and if I wanted serenity Pilates I would  need to get up before the rest of the household was out of bed.

Oh well…at least I burned off extra calories through laughing 😉

James & I (c)Gracie K. Harold 2014

James & I (c)Gracie K. Harold 2014

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Pilates & Children

pilates & children I embarked on a new adventure today!  I invited the kids to join me in my pilates routine.  The following is a loose interpretation of the transcript:

Me: Okay, the mats are set up, the DVD is in; which workout would y’all like?  The “get moving in the morning”, “the cardio”, “the strength building”, or “the intro”?

Rex: “Get moving in the morning”

Me: Let’s do it, then! (Peaceful music plays on the screen, and the instructor launches in full throttle with marches, jumping jacks, scissor kicks, etc)

Rex, David & Ruby: (panting) Who is she? I think she’s a general or something!  She’s NOT even talking…the voice is a recording! That’s NOT FAIR!  Mom! WE-Can’t-Do-this! 

Me: (stopping the DVD) Which one should we do instead?

Rex: Not the cardiAC one!  It will give me a heart attack!

David: Let’s try the strength building so we can move on quicker to Daddy’s exercise program instead of “pi-lahhhh-tees”

Me: (switching episodes on the DVD), Here we go! (After 20 seconds of it)

Ruby: Mom!  This is crazy!  They go way too fast!

Me: Huh, I do this all the time…are y’all telling me that pilates is harder than you thought and your momma is tougher than you thought?

ALL 3: Nooooo, nope, uh-uh….nooooo….it’s just, um, early….yeah; early in the morning! uh huh!

Me: (flipping over to the intro) This time we are NOT stopping…we WILL do this; just go at your pace. As the intro starts, I begin rotating among the kids to ensure proper core tightening.  Rex crumbles into a human ball of giggles as soon as I get within 12 inches of his stomach.  Pretty soon I pause it so we can all finish laughing.

I restart the DVD and things go smooth for a bit.photo 1 (3) (The instructor starts the pelvic thrusts for strengthening)

ALL 3: Oooooooh….gross! Why is she humping in the air like dogs do in the spring? MOM! What kind of exercise is this anyway?!?!

Yup, Pilates & Children = a strong desire to have a beer and chocolate donut for lunch.