“Golf is a good walk ruined.” – Mark Twain. I loved repeating this quote once upon a time. Now, however, it’s obvious that I must recant publicly of that. The reason? Today, James took me golfing. He set up the tee time; (which I knew ahead of time was different from TEA time), and we flirtaciously texted each other throughout the day about our “date”…no kids, free golf, not a family member in sight, and an afternoon to golf. James, being an avid golfer, was rather excited. I was nervously excited; and very thankful that the man has a sense of humor, since I am well aware that athletic agility is not always my forte’.
First, I went to google and searched “hip golf outfits for modern women”. I am not joking. Why must they all wear spandex or skorts? I’m sorry, but it was humid today; what would ever possess me to wear extra layers between my thighs? I was also confused by the plethora of polo-styled shirts, again, it’s a question of sweat.
It was so humid that I made an executive decision and skipped most of my make-up, mostly because I don’t buy it to wipe it on the back of my hands…but today it would have melted in streaks; leaving me to look like a strange warrior of golf. I decided to wear a nautical inspired tee shirt and a comfy skirt which I could freely exercise in. (For the record, my tee shirt had an animal on the pocket…although I still am unsure about which animal it is…it’s definitely NOT a horse).
Second, I packed the golf clubs as James had directed. I packed us each a sports drink, and I even changed into tennis shoes instead of sandals. Away we went! We arrived, checked in for our tee time, and James walked me over to the first hole.
My first moment of confusion happened after James explained that I got to tee off between the front markers. (PS I just learned that they are the same color on every course; that’s thoughtful of the golf course designers to color-code!) I thought that I had to hit off the top of the concrete part…mercifully I was stopped before that disaster! My first lesson in swinging a club while on a course commenced; and we were on our way.
We eventually found a comfortable rhythm which consisted of James reminding me “Remember, baby, it’s golf and not baseball….swing your arms like a pendulum between 2:00 and 10:00.” I did pretty well, all in all…especially once I found my “golf song mantra”. I kept singing, “England swing like a pendulum do, bobbies on bicycle two by two, WestminsterAbbey, the tower of Big Ben, the rosy red cheeks of the little children.” (Roger Miller 1965). The cockney accent helped me remember to swing my arms properly like a proper British person; and the Big Ben part helped me remember the clock positions for my swing.
I was just starting to feel rather pleased with my progress when James grinned and said, “C’mon baby…hit that golfball!” I did…and somehow managed to chip it backwards between my legs. I am NOT kidding. I looked over to see James doubled over. He gasped, “All-my-years, never-seen-that-one”. We laughed, and kept on.
One of the holes, I chipped it beautifully….into the mud bog. Another hole, I drove it about 75 yards…across the two lane road next to the course. My favorite, though, was the hole with the quaint little creek that ran under a footbridge. I didn’t land my ball in the water once; nope…I did it twice. From the same spot. See? I have MAD golfi-sh skills!
About this time, we were laughing and feeling rather romantic from all of the goofiness. We had just mildly made out, and we looked up at the people on their golf cart a few holes behind us. “Huh! That looks like my parents,” I said. It was my parents. Yup.
James quipped, “Well, I was going to sneak you out to the woods over there…but your parents are behind us!” What are the odds? Overall, it was a fun day just chitchatting and having fun frogging around without (mostly) any supervision.
Sometimes, as parents; we just need an escape from “normal life” and we just need to be a “normal” couple on a date. I can’t wait for the next tee time!