Me: Okay, the mats are set up, the DVD is in; which workout would y’all like? The “get moving in the morning”, “the cardio”, “the strength building”, or “the intro”?
Rex: “Get moving in the morning”
Me: Let’s do it, then! (Peaceful music plays on the screen, and the instructor launches in full throttle with marches, jumping jacks, scissor kicks, etc)
Rex, David & Ruby: (panting) Who is she? I think she’s a general or something! She’s NOT even talking…the voice is a recording! That’s NOT FAIR! Mom! WE-Can’t-Do-this!
Me: (stopping the DVD) Which one should we do instead?
Rex: Not the cardiAC one! It will give me a heart attack!
David: Let’s try the strength building so we can move on quicker to Daddy’s exercise program instead of “pi-lahhhh-tees”
Me: (switching episodes on the DVD), Here we go! (After 20 seconds of it)
Ruby: Mom! This is crazy! They go way too fast!
Me: Huh, I do this all the time…are y’all telling me that pilates is harder than you thought and your momma is tougher than you thought?
ALL 3: Nooooo, nope, uh-uh….nooooo….it’s just, um, early….yeah; early in the morning! uh huh!
Me: (flipping over to the intro) This time we are NOT stopping…we WILL do this; just go at your pace. As the intro starts, I begin rotating among the kids to ensure proper core tightening. Rex crumbles into a human ball of giggles as soon as I get within 12 inches of his stomach. Pretty soon I pause it so we can all finish laughing.
I restart the DVD and things go smooth for a bit. (The instructor starts the pelvic thrusts for strengthening)
ALL 3: Oooooooh….gross! Why is she humping in the air like dogs do in the spring? MOM! What kind of exercise is this anyway?!?!
Yup, Pilates & Children = a strong desire to have a beer and chocolate donut for lunch.