A pair of ripped jeans walks into church and says, “Why can’t you be more like a bar? I want to be accepted as I am… frayed edges, exposure and all.” So the church acquiesces and adds cafe tables, couches, and friendliness. A pair of fleece pajama pants walks into the church that looks like a bar and asks, “Why can’t you look more like a lounge? I want to be comfortable and cozy, I want to feel loved.” So the church acquiesces again, adding lounge recliners, hot chocolate and a fireplace.
I have been the ripped jeans and the fleece pajama pants. I have craved acceptance, warm reassurances and familiarity. I have desired church that reminds me of how loved I am without always reminding me of how un-deserving of that love I am.
Yet, even in my craving for comfort, I have duped myself. At physical therapy this week, I sat in front of a full length mirror to do my exercises. We don’t own a full length mirror in our house so it was a new experience for me. A while ago, James and I had photos taken of ourselves in a photobooth at a wedding reception. I was shocked at how big my hips looked… so I rationalized that my dress was draped awkwardly, giving the illusion of big hips. Fast forward to my physical therapy appointment when I sat in front of a mirror, monitoring my posture, and realized that my hips are that big.
Reality could no longer be denied because it was un-avoidably in front of me.
Reverence works the same way. When I have a healthy respect for the power, might, and perfection of God; I am humbled and grateful because of the outrageous and unreasonable goodness that I have received. I am aware that things have gotten huge when I wanted them to stay trim.
Maybe I have been self-focused, and I have neglected time in worship of God. Maybe this has resulted in angry outbursts when my plans don’t go as I had planned. (Maybe I wouldn’t be so angry if I would focus on thanking God for and trusting HIS plans instead of pushing my agenda)
The point is that I have been guilty of being comfortable and flippant with God while refusing to be reverent with God. Instead of being aware of and in awe of His Holiness and majesty; I have instead focused on my feelings, my emotions and my frustrations.
Don’t misunderstand me, honesty and intimacy go hand in hand… but so do intimacy and respect.
My prayer this week is that I will have a heart that worships God in awe of his majesty… in total reverence and respect, whether my jeans are ripped or not.