Beautiful moments are more prevalent than tough ones lately…and it’s awkward.
Awkward because I don’t know how to simply be completely at ease in the beautiful moments.
I spent so many years being on “high alert” while hiding from my ex-husband (after fleeing from his abuse) and trying to fight the injustices that he and his family propagated, that I forgot what it felt like to simply just relax and enjoy the good things in life.
After the auto accident, as I wrestled migraines, I would hoard good moments, desperately trying to gather up a stockpile of them until a migraine hit again.
James and I have had a really good week.
We are learning to communicate lovingly and gently.
We are intentionally taking time for ourselves individually, and then for ourselves as a couple.
We’ve been intentional about having time with the kids as designated family time.
It’s good…and awkward.
I am awkward around easy goodness because I do well under pressure.
I spent years thriving through difficulty.
I am not currently grieving hard core, or persevering through health issues,
or struggling with relationships.
I haven’t had a migraine for well over a year.
I have permission to simply enjoy this beautiful moment and the next; in an unhurried way.
I can lollygag in the beauty as long as I desire.
It may feel awkward, but I am no longer restless or afraid.
I no longer feel it’s necessary to run from the good, or earn the beautiful.
I can soak up beauty like a sponge.
Today, I am content to enjoy the beauty of life, as the awkwardness fades and I stand mesmerized.