Life’s experiences leave us jagged sometimes, don’t they?
Pain comes in like a renegade warrior, taking us by surprise.
Old wounds resurface with a resurgent flood of overwhelming emotion.
Recently, James and I had an EPIC FAIL
I mean EPIC.
We both reacted to each other in fear; not trust.
We each chose to filter the other person’s words through our past experiences
instead of submitting our conversation to the
present and new reality that we are in today.
One of us heard everything through the filter of rejection; resulting in words being transformed into daggers of unintended hurt and betrayal.
The other one of us heard everything through the filter of failure; resulting in words being transformed into spears of unintended accusation and blame.
It was the worst fight that we’ve ever had.
I kept fighting panic and dread, fearing that my past marriage was going to be repeated.
James is NOT my first husband.
I am NOT his first wife.
One of our “mantras” that we frequently repeat is,
“He’s not him, and she’s not her; this is a NEW marriage to the one who loves me”.
For those awful moments, we focused on viewing the present through our past.
The pain, rejection and failure from before obscured our vision and we failed to
listen to our beloved one.
Instead of showing care and concern for the spouse who loves us here in the present,
we stayed stuck in regret and hurt from the past…
and missed our opportunity to show love, care, and compassion for each other.
It’s taken days to haltingly repair the hurt that we caused each other.
It reminds me of stained glass art. Fragments of glass are placed next to one another in intricate designs, and then the thin
metal ribbon is placed between the fragments as the soldering gun warms up.
The soldering gun is hot!
The ribbons of metal that hold the fragments together have to melt first in order to form a strong adhesive.
I trust that as we learn to see past our hurts, we will see how the past contributed to who we are.
Instead of filtering through rejection and failure,
I know that we will begin to have our eyes opened to
the genuine love, care, concern and friendship
that is here right in this moment.
Our fragments may have jagged edges, but together, they fit in a larger pattern.
Sometimes, things will get hot, and emotions will run high.
My prayer is that we will see the beauty of the patterns that our trust and love are creating as we continue to learn how to listen to each other.
May you also leave the filter of your past, as your eyes focus on the love that is here for you
in the present.
I John 4:16 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love.
Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” (NIV)