Thankful Thursday – (a.k.a What the Heck is a “Cloud Break”?)

In my Wordless Wednesday post yesterday, I mentioned that the kids had given me a “Cloud Break”.

 Have you ever felt the weight of life so that it seems to be settled on you like a cloud?

Pre-CloudBreak (c)Gracie K Harold 2014

Pre-CloudBreak (c)Gracie K Harold 2014

We had a family friend die unexpectedly, and I managed to hold on to my cheerful facade at work,

only to find out that my work with them is done.

Rough, hard reality.

Sin sucks. Death sucks.

Catty, snide remarks under the guise of “religion” suck.

I was under a cloud.

I was devastated by our loss, and aching for our friends and their pain.

I whipped off my glasses yesterday and began sobbing as I sewed.

I had so many questions, which I hurled at God.

Violently and vulgarly.

 I screamed, “What the f@#%, God?  This is what happens when we follow you?  Freak accidents?!

Unexplained death? Sickness? Girls who are bitchy in the name of “piety”?

Christians who hear of a death, and move along like their agenda reeks of more importance than compassion?

Where the F@#% are you?”

At that exact moment, the sewing machine needle hit a straight pin, snapped in half and ricocheted,

bouncing off my cheekbone, a mere millimeter from my soft tissue under my eye.

I gulped in shock.

I remembered.

“I will never leave you or forsake you” Heb. 13:5

“I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving goodness” Jer. 31:3

I remembered that life sucks sometimes.

Christians suck…a lot.

We just do.

Christ is here.

He suffered so I don’t have to be alone in my sucky reality.

Even when I blame him, He still loves me.

For that, I am thankful.

Additionally, he doesn’t just offer love, he offers

CloudBreaks

and then He gently lifts my eyes to see the breaks that he made

out of my gloom and despair.

CloudBreak Reality (c)Gracie K. Harold 2014

CloudBreak Reality (c)Gracie K. Harold 2014

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3 thoughts on “Thankful Thursday – (a.k.a What the Heck is a “Cloud Break”?)

  1. I struggle with a similar issue. I lost my younger brother, mom, both in-laws and about 10 other close family and friends inside of a 10 year period. I don’t understand. It sucks. I get angry at God.

    I found out quite a few years ago, God’s big enough to handle my anger and still love me when I yell at him. I still struggle, and haven’t come close to figuring it out.

    Guess it comes down to something my wife once said… either I believe what I believe, or I don’t. I find it so tempting at times to just throw in the towel, but… how do you walk away from something you just know to be true?

    Cloudbreaks are awesome, thanks for the post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear R. Todd,
    Thank you. Thank you for your service, for loving your wife, and for the encouragement. Loss and grief DO suck. You are correct, though….as hard and horrible as it is to grieve, it would be so much harder without Christ…even when it makes no sense. I had the great and humbling privilege of being there for our friend’s memorial service. I was privileged to join with others today who gave my friend a “standing ovation” for his life, well-lived for Christ. I was humbled to watch my dear friends, his parents, and sister worship Jesus Christ through their grief. I was reminded that “Jesus is enough”. The “why” escapes us, the pain is horrible, the empty space left by my friend’s death is hauntingly jagged, yet i still believe and proclaim that “the Lord is good, HIS love endures forever.” Even when I don’t understand and I don’t like the reality of missing him. My husband has tenderly reminded me today that my job is not to constantly turn my head out of my grief to find Christ. I merely need to open my eyes…He’s here, on my level, right down where I need Him to be. That’s enough for me. Jesus Christ is enough for me. ~Gracie

    Like

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