In my Wordless Wednesday post yesterday, I mentioned that the kids had given me a “Cloud Break”.
Have you ever felt the weight of life so that it seems to be settled on you like a cloud?
We had a family friend die unexpectedly, and I managed to hold on to my cheerful facade at work,
only to find out that my work with them is done.
Rough, hard reality.
Sin sucks. Death sucks.
Catty, snide remarks under the guise of “religion” suck.
I was under a cloud.
I was devastated by our loss, and aching for our friends and their pain.
I whipped off my glasses yesterday and began sobbing as I sewed.
I had so many questions, which I hurled at God.
Violently and vulgarly.
I screamed, “What the f@#%, God? This is what happens when we follow you? Freak accidents?!
Unexplained death? Sickness? Girls who are bitchy in the name of “piety”?
Christians who hear of a death, and move along like their agenda reeks of more importance than compassion?
Where the F@#% are you?”
At that exact moment, the sewing machine needle hit a straight pin, snapped in half and ricocheted,
bouncing off my cheekbone, a mere millimeter from my soft tissue under my eye.
I gulped in shock.
“I will never leave you or forsake you” Heb. 13:5
“I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving goodness” Jer. 31:3
I remembered that life sucks sometimes.
Christians suck…a lot.
We just do.
Christ is here.
He suffered so I don’t have to be alone in my sucky reality.
Even when I blame him, He still loves me.
For that, I am thankful.
Additionally, he doesn’t just offer love, he offers
and then He gently lifts my eyes to see the breaks that he made
out of my gloom and despair.