I used to long for companionship, partnership, and the end to my loneliness.
I became an unexpected single mother, and my heart was left raw.
I had a false bravado in public in order to hide the deep shame that I felt immersed in.
For so long, I felt that the blame was mine.
For so long, I listened to the judgmental lies that were told to me in the name of “friendship”, “care”, or even “religion”.
Lies that I couldn’t get married again, lies that I somehow caused my current situation, lies that I deserved to be alone.
Eventually, the truth chased me down and I was surprised to see that a longing stirred within my soul.
A longing to be cherished, loved and protected.
One day, after a particularly hard and trying time, I prayed desperately, “God, why must I be hated?”
At the exact moment that I finished,
a brilliant rainbow broke through
and I was reminded that
He longs for me.
He promises never to remove His love from me.
My longings eventually found their rest in Him.