R.I.P. Ovary

The following is an unfiltered, unedited quote from the monologue I recently spit out like an epithet at James (and we subsequently texted to a very patient friend…Stacey, you are.a.saint!)

“I think my ovary just died….seriously, it is way past the date of recommended daily use.  I am pretty sure that I just about birthed my uterus, so now I can officially walk like I rode a bucking bronco [yes I had the self control to say “bucking” and that’s what I meant 😉 ]  Now I sit like I am flippin’ pregnant even though I am not…unless you count that I am “pregnant” with a fallen uterus…which has to literally be on the chair with my legs sprawled out like a cheerleader mid-jump.  I am so HOT!  Seriously, did we mistakenly turn on the heat in here?  James, I am in a swimsuit, with a fan blowing on me and the air conditioner thermostat states it is at 71° but that has to be a lie!  No way!  Yes, I see that Rex is wearing a winter coat in the house….but the child has frail bones, maybe he should run around a bit.  Oh, you brought me more ice for my water?  Oh my…I don’t know why I am crying!!!  It is just so sweet of you.  *Sniff*  Yes, I know that I have eaten half  a jar of pickles and the entire block of cheddar cheese, but now I want to eat a raisin bagel with cheese and pickles on it.  *sniff* Will you please hug me?”

That poor man.

My friend Stacey had mentioned that she had some extra hot flash support in the form of a rhubarb extract.  We texted her the following message:

“Need rhubarb extract.  Ovary R.I.P. Cannot ride heat wave anymore. Help? Thanks, James”

R.I.P. Ovary (c)Gracie K. Harold 2014

R.I.P. Ovary (c)Gracie K. Harold 2014

Dark humor? √

Sarcasm? √

Over it? √

Attempting to find a way to worship through the hormonal influx?  √  This is all I got.

 God, I am so thankful that you have a sense of humor!

Meanwhile, could you please send us a (mild) cold front over to my general vicinity?  Or maybe, provide us with a month’s supply of smoothies?

Love, Gracie.

editor’s note: The day after I wrote this, it rained unexpectedly and A COLD FRONT MOVED IN! Thank God…no more swimsuit in the kitchen! 😉


2 thoughts on “R.I.P. Ovary

  1. Pingback: Sometimes Saturday – Remembering an ovary | Adjustments to Normal

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