Trigger warning: abortion, photos of a former abortion procedure room, adult content follows. For Post-Abortion Counseling, click here
Dear “A”,
You only met me once. My family member was dating you, and I was overjoyed for his happiness. I celebrated mightily when I heard that you were engaged to my dear loved one. It took almost a year for me to find out the whole story. I still remember every detail of that conversation; sitting on the carpet in my living room while my toddler napped next to me as my pregnant belly was filled with the kicks and antics of my active baby and I spoke quietly with a family member who told me the entire story.
I sobbed carefully, so as not to wake my toddler. I could not understand you, “A”! Why would you choose my dear family member out of all the men in the world to do that to? All of his life, he wanted to simply be a dad. Somehow, you chose him to prove a point to your father. You got pregnant, thinking that somehow, your dad would have to approve of my dear one. Then, you panicked and had an abortion, without even telling my dear one that you were pregnant. After you told him everything, his grief overwhelmed him and became his god, leading to a tragic, early death.
I honestly dabbled with hating you for years. I blamed you, “A”, for stealing my dear one’s hope, life, and joy. But GOD had other ideas. He has had me on a journey of forgiveness for the last four years. I say “journey” because forgiveness is not just a bumper sticker emotion that can be slapped over some rust; it’s a sacrifice of choosing to love where you hurt. Some days, it’s as intentional as taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly as I pray, “God, forgive through me today! I want to rip this person’s face off for all the hurt that they have caused, BUT GOD, please give me your eyes and your heart for this person!”
The incredible thing is that when I give him the shattered pieces of my jagged heart, and I ask for His eyes, He shows me how I have also hurt others…intentionally and unintentionally. Nevertheless; I have caused hurt in others, making me no different than you, “A”. My hating you is no different than anything else that you have done. I have had to forgive myself.
I had to forgive myself for not getting your number at that first brief meeting, for not staying in better contact with my dear family member, for not being a better friend. I had to forgive my dear one for getting stuck in the moment of his grief, for not choosing to live his life, in pain and agony of soul, but still live beyond that moment. As you may already guess, I also forgive you. Please forgive me for my lack of compassion and loving kindness. Forgive me for judging you, for my wrath, and for failing to see how desperately lonely you were.
This weekend, I was privileged to participate in a worship service at the Life International Prayer Chapel. I walked into the building, and saw this:
“A”, it took me a while to finally go into the room. It’s left as a memorial to the preborn, including your son, that none of us were able to meet. “A”, the figurine is entitled “HOPE”, and it shows a depiction of Jesus meeting with a woman who also chose to end the life of her preborn child. I pray that you find hope, “A”! I pray that you are overwhelmed with His love! I pray that you will allow yourself the opportunity to talk about your choice and allow yourself the room and space to heal, if needed. This beautiful prayer chapel also has a Children’s Memorial Garden in honor of the preborn children who aren’t here with us today. I hope and pray that someday, that garden brings healing however you may need it.
I pray that you feel no judgment in this letter, but only my deep level of regret for failing to see your hurt. I forgive you, “A”, and hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I have no idea where life has brought you, but I hope that you are well, fulfilled, and healing.
With a heart desiring the best for you,
Gracie K.
